This is the tale of Albert Poop-Decker, a newly commissioned Midshipman (although he took 8 1/2 years to qualify). He joins the frigate Venus, and adventures through Spanish waters, mutinee and Pirates taking his Captain, his sweet-heart and his best-friend with him! With mistaken identities and shipwrecks awash, it's a surprise any of them live to tell the tale!

Captain S. Melly takes over as the new Commanding Officer at an experimental mixed sex air defence base. It's 1940 and England is under heavy bombardment, but the crew seem more interested in each other than the enemy planes above. Captain Melly plans to put a stop to all this, and becomes the target of a campaign to abandon his separatist ideals...

Stodge City is in the grip of the Rumpo Kid and his gang. Mistaken identity again takes a hand as a "sanitary engineer" (plumber) by the name of Marshal P. Knutt is mistaken for a law marshal! Being the conscientious sort, Marshal tries to help the town get rid of Rumpo, and a showdown is inevitable. Marshal has two aids - revenge-seeking Annie Oakley and his sanitary expertise...

Dr Nookey is disgraced and sent to a remote island hospital. He is given a secret slimming potion by a member of staff, Gladstone Screwer, and he flies back to England to fame and fortune. But others want to cash in on his good fortunes, and some just want him brought down a peg or two.

Dick Turpin is terrorising the countryside around Upper Dencher. Captain Fancey and Sergeant Jock Strapp plan to put an end to his escapades, and enlist the help of the Reverend Flasher. Little do they know that the priest leads a double life. Then Madame Desiree and her "Birds of Paradise" arrive in the village...

That's Carry on is a 'best of the carry on's' movie with Kenneth Williams and Barbara Windsor introducing clips from all the Carry On movies (from Carry on Sergeant to Carry on Behind). The two regulars converse at the Rank Film building to host the film, with their own running gags involving Barbara's "assets" and Kenneth's desperate need of a toilet!!!

Christopher Columbus believes he can find an alternative route to the far East and persuades the King and Queen of Spain to finance his expedition. But the Sultan of Turkey, who makes a great deal of money through taxing the merchants who have to pass through his country on the current route, sends his best spy, Fatima, to wreck the trip.

The Helping Hands agency employs some very strange people to perform some very strange jobs! Even the simplest of tasks get bungled by the incompetent but lovable staff, as they get given jobs ranging from taking animals for walks (no ordinary animals you understand) to demonstrating new products at a large and prestigious exhibition...

The time of the French revolution, and Citizen Robespierre is beheading the French aristocracy. When word gets to England, two noblemen, Sir Rodney Ffing and Lord Darcy take it upon themselves to aid there French counterparts. Sir Rodney is a master of disguise, and becomes "the black fingernail", scourge of Camembert and Bidet, leaders of the French secret police...

Local councillor Sidney Fiddler persuades the Mayor to help improve the image of their rundown seaside town by holding a beauty contest. But formidable Councillor Prodworthy, head of the local women's liberation movement, has other ideas. It's open warfare as the women's lib attempt to sabotage the contest.

Set in Haven Hospital where a certain men's ward is causing more havoc than the whole hospital put together. The formidable Matron's debut gives the patients a chill every time she walks past, with only Reckitt standing up to her. There's a colonel who is a constant nuisance, a bumbling nurse, a romance between Ted York and Nurse Denton, and Bell who wants his bunion removed straight away, so after drinking alcohol, the men decide to remove the bunion themselves!

Two Britons are captured and enslaved by invading Romans and taken to Rome. Hengist Pod creates useless inventions, while Horsa is a brave and cunning fighter. One of their first encounters in Rome leaves Hengist being mistaken for a fighter, and gets drafted into the Royal Guard to protect Cleopatra. Cleo doesn't want him around and plots for his sudden demise...

The popular Dr Kilmore is sacked after being discovered in a compromising position on the roof of the nurses' home. The patients are determined not to lose him, and so take on the might of the "cutting" Dr Tinkle and the overpowering Matron.

Henry VIII has just married Marie of Normandy, and is eager to consummate their marriage. Unfortunately for Henry, she is always eating garlic, and refuses to stop. Deciding to get rid of her in his usual manner, Henry has to find some way of doing it without provoking war with Marie's cousin, the King of France. Perhaps if she had an affair...

A top secret chemical formula has been stolen by STENCH (the Society for the Total Extinction of Non-Conforming Humans), and so Agent Simpkins and his three trainees are hot on the trail, chasing the villains across the world. There are gadgets galore, and disguises are compulsory if the heroes are to win the day from The Fat Man, Dr Milchman and Dr Crow!

Sergeant Grimshaw wants to retire in the flush of success by winning the Star Squad prize with his very last platoon of newly called-up National Servicemen. But what a motley bunch they turn out to be, and it's up to Grimshaw to put the no-hopers through their paces.

Pupils run amock at Maudin Street School in an attempt to hang on to their headmaster. He has applied for a new job, but the students like him and don't want to lose him. They concoct a plan - blacken his record in front of the Ministry Inspector and then he won't ever be able to get another job!

Robert and Katherine Thorn seem to have it all. They are happily married and he is the US Ambassador to Great Britain, but they want more than to have children. When Katharine has a stillborn child, Robert is approached by a priest at the hospital who suggests that they take a healthy newborn whose mother has just died in childbirth. Without telling his wife he agrees. After relocating to London, strange events - and the ominous warnings of a priest - lead him to believe that the child he took from that Italian hospital is evil incarnate.

Bertram Oliphant West (also known as Bo West) wants to clear his unjustly smeared reputation. He joins the Foreign Legion, with Simpson his manservant in tow. But the fort they get posted to is full of eccentric legionnaires, and there is trouble brewing with the locals too. Unbeknown to Bo, his lady love has followed him in disguise...

London gentleman David spends a day and all his cash to bring his one-night stand a presentation folder at her office in Liverpool, only to be rather rudely ignored a minute later. After a night on the streets, he meets diner waitress Tina, who takes pity on him. David wins spending money at the race tracks and decides to spend it on a playful tour of the city guided by Tina, which is mainly an excuse to get close romantically and learn about each-other.

The sinister Dr Watt has an evil scheme going. He's kidnapping beautiful young women and turning them into mannequins to sell to local stores. Fortunately for Dr Watt, Detective-Sergeant Bung is on the case, and he doesn't have a clue! In this send up of the Hammer Horror movies, there are send-ups of all the horror greats from Frankenstein to Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde.

Speedee Taxis is a great success, which means its workaholic owner Charlie starts neglecting Peggy, his wife. Suddenly a fleet of rival taxis appears from nowhere and start pinching all the fares. The rivals are Glamcabs, and they have a secret weapon. All their drivers are very attractive women! Who's behind Glamcabs? It's open warfare and only one fleet can survive!

A group of greenpeace youths board an oil rig thats about to be sunk, planning to prevent it. Once on board they discover that they are not alone, something on board is making people act very strange... and what relationship do the rigs previous occupants have with the occult?

A short story about addictions.

A successful Wall Street trader returns to England with her new husband and five-year-old son, but their new start together turns into a nightmare when they move into a country house which contains a terrible secret.

Ryan has spent years putting his brutal past behind him. A different man now to the stone cold killer he was a lifetime ago. But when an old face from the past arrives on his doorstep, Ryan is called upon to repay a blood debt from years ago. But the price is too high. Betrayed, and with his life falling apart around him, Ryan goes on a murderous, bloody revenge spree against the Ten Men who took his life away from him. Ten men took away his life. Now Ten Men Will Pay.

Sid and Bernie keep having their amorous intentions snubbed by their girlfriends Joan and Anthea. The boys suggest a camping holiday, secretly intending to take them to a nudist camp. Of course they end up in the wrong place, and meet up with the weirdest bunch of campers you can imagine! Coach loads of sex-starved schoolgirls and bands of hippies all add to the laughs.

Captain Crowther's lot is not a happy one! Five of his crew have to be replaced and at such short notice before the voyage begins there isn't much to choose from. Not only does he get the five most incompetent shipmates ever to sail the seven seas, but the passengers turn out to be a rather strange bunch too. The SS Happy Wanderer will never be the same.

A group of desperate fugitives from an interplanetary tyranny find themselves in control of a massively powerful starship.

The workaholic head of the compliance section of a New York bank flies to Monaco to investigate unusual deposits from an offshore bank and meets a down-on-his-luck international film star who has become embroiled in criminal activities.

Richard Hannay is a Canadian visitor to London. At the end of "Mr Memory"'s show in a music hall, he meets Annabella Smith who is running away from secret agents. He accepts to hide her in his flat, but in the night she is murdered. Fearing he could be accused on the girl's murder, Hannay goes on the run to break the spy ring.

GULLIVER and TATE - nickname 'Treacle' - are two ordinary 18 year-olds serving in the British Army in Iraq. Their platoon is struggling to maintain the uneasy peace of 2003. When their popular company captain, GODBER, is killed on patrol by a roadside bomb, morale in the platoon hits rock bottom. Acting on orders they round up several suspects from house-to-house searches. That night feelings at the camp are running high and as the chain of command is weakened and events spiral out of control. The lads end their tour of duty and return to England full of stories but also shaken by their experiences. Iraq comes back to haunt them when Gulliver's jilted girlfriend, Shelley, decides to get her own back on him by giving photos of the events in Iraq to the British police. The story hits the press, and Gulliver and Treacle, now the most reviled men in Britain, face court martial...

Georgie Godwin, housebound for 23 years,is the fattest man in Britain, a tourist attraction, thanks to greedy 'agent', cabbie Morris who brings visitors to Rochdale to hear Georgie sing and - rather to his annoyance - touch him. Devoted neighbour Janice is Georgie's only other regular outside contact until he meets Amy, a pregnant teenager fleeing a violent boyfriend ,whom he takes in as a lodger. Touched by his kindness she feels he demeans himself and wants him to lose weight for his own safety. Morris, however, encourages Georgie to pile on the pounds as a money-spinner for them both, arranging for him to take part in a local television weigh-in, to see if he is fatter than rival claimant Big Brian. Amy is horrified but Georgie sees it as almost a calling. Will he beat Brian or will tragedy strike the fattest man in Britain?

WWII, in a British disciplinary camp located in the Libyan desert. Prisoners are persecuted by Staff Sergeant Williams, who made them climb again and again, under the heavy sun, an artificial hill built right in the middle of the camp. Harris is a more human and compassionate guard, but the chief, S.M. Wilson, refuses to disown his subordinate Williams. One day, five new prisoners arrive. Each of them will deal in a different way with the authority and Williams' ferocity.

A thriller centered on a serial killer in a rundown London suburb.

Christmas 1183--an aging and conniving King Henry II plans a reunion where he hopes to name his successor. He summons the following people for the holiday: his scheming but imprisoned wife, Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine; his mistress, Princess Alais, whom he wishes to marry; his three sons (Richard, Geoffrey, and John), all of whom desire the throne; and the young but crafty King Philip of France (who is also Alais' brother). With the fate of Henry's empire at stake, everybody engages in their own brand of deception and treachery to stake their claim.

People in a small German village in the last valley to remain untouched by the devastating Thirty Years' War try to exist in peace with a group of soldiers occupying the valley.

The outcast cinema student, Stephen Grace, does not drive cars due to the trauma of losing his brother in a car accident. He befriends, Quaid, who since the age of 6 has experienced dreadful nightmares and daydreams about the death of his parents. Quaid proposes they research about each one's innermost fear. Stephen sees the chance of developing an original thesis for college and invites his friend, Cheryl, to work with them. Among the interviewees, Stephen talks to his colleague, Abby who works with him in the library. Abby has a complex about the way she looks. When the work is almost complete, Quaid has an outburst at one interviewee's and ends up destroying the camera and editing equipment. Stephen begins to re-evaluate the situation.

This modern version of Hans Christian Andersen's fairytale is charming. Ratso is a streetwise chancer of a rat whose theatre show is struggling. Then he finds an egg that hatches a mutant swan. Ratso soon sees the potential of showing Ugly as a freak. But things go awry when rodent heavies appear...

Lem is just an average teenager working on getting the girl and furthering his career at the local planetarium - except that he's an alien. At least to U.S. astronaut Captain Charles T. Baker who lands on Lem's planet hoping for a quick flag plant and a hasty return to earth and his millions of screaming fans. But on this alien planet the media has tagged spacemen as brain-eating, zombie-creating monsters, causing Baker to run for his life and into Lem's house. Now it's up to the green native to get the clumsy astronaut back to his spaceship before military dictator General Grawl and mad scientist Professor Kipple manage to exterminate the Earthly visitor.

Whilst working as a CCTV operator in Glasgow's working-class Red Road estate, Jackie sees a face from the past, a face that she thought would no longer haunt her dreams. Keeping her distance, and with the use of her CCTV cameras, she follows the face and the man and she finally decides to confront him. It is here that past lives are once again entwined and reconciliations are aired.

In the early 1960's, sixteen year old Jenny Mellor lives with her parents in the London suburb of Twickenham. On her father's wishes, everything that Jenny does is in the sole pursuit of being accepted into Oxford, as he wants her to have a better life than he. Jenny is bright, pretty, hard working but also naturally gifted. The only problems her father may perceive in her life is her issue with learning Latin, and her dating a boy named Graham, who is nice but socially awkward. Jenny's life changes after she meets David Goldman, a man over twice her age. David goes out of his way to show Jenny and her family that his interest in her is not improper and that he wants solely to expose her to cultural activities which she enjoys. Jenny quickly gets accustomed to the life to which David and his constant companions, Danny and Helen, have shown her, and Jenny and David's relationship does move into becoming a romantic one...